Position Yourself Relatively Well

Although common human logic tends to assess things in terms of absolutes, which gives us great interest in the best and the worst of things, we actually make a lot of judgements based on relative issues. Although we might desire the best of everything we often don’t have that choice and so we take the best of what we have available based upon relative merits. Our perception of absolute values with our physical senses is actually quite poor because our senses are analogue devices that use relative values to make quick assessments. It takes considerable specific training to tune senses to absolute values - such as musician developing near perfect pitch or a food taster developing a near perfect pallet. This can be shown very graphically. Do you think that the white square ‘B’ in the shadow of the cylinder is actually exactly the same as the dark square ‘A’ out of the shadow?


They are indeed one and the same colour as shown in the proof below.


Surprising, isn’t it? It’s a very graphical representation of how bad we are at assessing absolutes especially when compared relative to other strongly contrasting characteristics in the immediate vicinity. This shows how badly our physical senses can distinguish things. Our minds are often equally as bad at making clear, distinct and absolute judgements.

Relative Positioning in Real Life

I noticed this effect when I took notice of the former pop group S Club 7, which had three young women and four young guys in the group. One of the women, Rachel Stevens really seemed like a hot babe and grabbed the interest of a lot of guys. However, once the group split up and Rachel made a solo career, I was remarkably surprised by how quickly I lost interest in her because she now appeared in the same solo league as J-Lo, Beyonce, Madonna and other superstars but in comparison to them she looked second league. She had looked amazing before relative to the girls that she was with, later and relative to more glamorous women she didn’t look so special.

From this I concluded a cunning plan that if I want to look handsome then the best thing I can do is hang out with ugly friends. If I want to look young then I can hang out with old people. If I want to look intelligent then I can hang out with dumb people. If I want to look athletic and fit then I can hang out with overweight smokers. I’ll get massive benefit without do anything more than positioning myself cleverly. I say these things in fun because I can cheerfully accept my limitations relative to other people so I don’t actually do those things! Still, I also accept the practical fact that positioning or judgement relative to the local environment rather than absolute standards can convey a perceived advantage very easily.

Relative Positioning in the Mind

I can use relativism to good effect in managing my perceptions of myself. For example, I have often beavered away in secret on many skills and projects and for a long time I used to come down hard on myself because I focused so much on what I couldn’t do and what I didn’t have. I very rarely stopped to think about how far I had come and what I had already created and so I assessed myself in ways that consistently made me feel inadequate and hence unempowered. On the rare occasions that I did put myself into groups of other people doing similar things I often surprised myself with how good my overall abilities and achievements were. That relative positioning gave me a realistic appraisal and allowed me to reassess my abilities so that I knew that I had a lot of adequacy and competence from which confidence and a more relaxed attitude to development occurred.

Relativism can also quickly generate bad feelings if we compare ourselves against others and find them better than us. If we hide from the truth of ourselves then we can end up envious, jealous and bitter. We fight against or else move away from those who seem to highlight deficiencies that we don’t like about ourselves. Alternatively, if we accept the truth of ourselves then we can view the other person with detachment and instead we might even possibly enlist their help. People like to explain how they solve problems and so you can often learn from such people. To deride them turns them away and prevents you from having an opportunity to find out how to do things better. Even Oprah Winfrey experienced this. She said that when she lost weight that she also lost several friends. At first this bugged her but then she realised that her relative slimness made these friends uncomfortable as now they had become relatively overweight.

Beware of Absolutes

An exception to the benefit of comparing ourselves to others as a good example to learn from comes when we end up forced to compare ourselves against people way out of our league, such as movie stars, pop stars, top sports players, top businessmen etc. The majority of us will never make it to that kind of level but because of their perceived absolute success they always remain a fascination. Consequently the media tend to focus great attention on these extremely successful people because the topic sells product. However, if you see too much of that you begin to perceive that everyone else that you see and read about, outside of your circle of close contacts (which stretches to about twenty people for the majority of us), lives amazing lives with all manner of material and non-material success. The continued ‘in your face’ improbability of getting anything like that can end up grinding you down, or worse it encourages you to indulge in pursuing improbable fantasies. Bereft of the methods and capability to fulfil fanciful notions that can eventually lead to mental sickness.

At one time I used to buy lot’s of men’s magazines. I had a beautiful girlfriend at that time but I ended up annoyed and dissatisfied because I was continuously bombarded with images of some of the most nubile women on the planet. I kept on discounting what I had because of the relative deficit between what I perceived between my lady and those images. It was crazy so I gave it up and felt much, much better. For this reason I don’t own a television or radio and I don’t buy magazines. I use the web to regulate my diet of information and entertainment and so I stay away from exposure to improbably high expectations. Consequently I compare myself to the relative standards of the people, society and culture immediately around me and definitely accessible to me. On that basis I do relatively well and my levels of contentment remain continuously high as a result.

So think about your relative positioning today. Just how well do you compare to where you were ten years ago? Do all of the same problems that occurred ten years ago still bug you today? Some probably do but you have probably and decisively come to terms with plenty of other niggling problems from back than. Recognise your growth relative to that time.

If you don’t feel so good about yourself today then think of just how much worse things could be but aren’t because you are doing a good job in many areas of living your life competently. Take a moment to bask in the comfort of that. Remembering, recognising and respecting our strengths is one of the best ways to feel relaxed and confident. When we build forth from the strength of our foundations then we act decisively. So do yourself a favour and consider these things. I’m sure that you will then have a relatively good day!
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